"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles." -Psalm 34:17
Anxiety is a funny thing. A thing that keeps you up at night, and, at times, makes it impossible to shed tears. As I lie awake at night I have time to contemplate how to live with this baggage of anxiety, fear, and uneasiness. Am I suppose to walk around sporting a smile when inside my heart is desperately breaking? The fear that this anxiety will become too much to bear has weighed heavy on my mind.
For hours I contemplated these questions... yet the only solution I can come to is to let go and give it to my Lord and Savior. The One who can calm the storm and bring heavenly peace to my heart and mind.
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." -Psalm 62:1-2
However, I have discovered that this is not as easy to do and it sounds. I have willingly given this weighty burden over to God when it is too heavy to bear, but am oh so quick to pick it right back up again because I feel naked without it. "What will become of me if I do not worry and carry this burden?" I say to myself. It shadows and protects me, and big enough to run and hide behind and use as an excuse when things get rough.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." -Deuteronomy 33:27
But this barricade soon crumbles and my heart is overcome with swells of anxiety and apprehension once again. Like waves crashing upon a shore, wearing on me again and again. I am not strong enough to carry this burden, this anxiety, this disquiet fear. And once again I give it to God.
"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." -Exodus 33:14
And what an awesome God we serve! He will pick us up when we are weak and carry us across the shore, shouldering the blows of the winds and waves that would have overtaken me. His love endures forever and He never abandons us, even when our trust in Him lags at a distance. He is the Healer of the brokenhearted, our Rescue and Redeemer.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". -John 14:27
Sometimes, in the midst of these incessant storms of life, all we can do is step back and marvel at the beautiful disaster. To see our messiness of life mingling with the beautiful redemption that comes from Christ. To see that even in our despair, He walks alongside our brokenness and beckons us through His Word to come to Him.
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." -Isaiah 43:1b-3a
Monday, April 18, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
A Hero
Currently, the Unites States is entering into its 10th year of fighting a war in the Middle East. Ten years of news casts and CNN reports have begun to fall upon deaf ears as we often forget the tragedy and pains of war. Thousands of American men and women have said yes to the call of freedom and have left family, friends, their loved ones, and the luxury of a normal life to become an American soldier.
I am honored to say that someone very dear to me is one of these courageous soldiers. My soldier and I have had to endure the pains of separation for 3 years with 2 weeks here and there of time spent together. We have felt the frustration of many months apart. Soon we will be forced to say goodbye once again as he awaits deployment to Afghanistan this coming Spring.
He is my hero and he is one of the many heroes to our country's freedom. One of many brave soldiers who have trained for combat and have prepared themselves to face whatever is thrown their way, even though for them it is just another day on the job.
As my soldier and I buckle down for a coming year filled with letters, emails, and long-distance calls from a war-zone, we have to constantly remind each other that although we may be a 1000 miles apart, we will always be together wherever we are. He holds my hand, even though his hand is too far away to grasp. And he is always in my heart, even though our hearts are separated by a distance too impenetrable to cross.
My duty simply is to pray; to remember; to listen; and to love.
The life of a soldier is not always filled with glory as seen in movies, but neither is it a life full of constant pain. The sacrifice of distance, time, training, and combat is just the reality of daily life. They simply carry out what they have called to do. The ripping agony of separation settles into a dull pain as we miss the one we love.
Still, my heart will always be with my soldier, wherever he goes.
"A Hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself" -Joseph Campbell
I do not write this to romanticize war, or to glamorize pain, but, instead, I write this as a dedication to the one I love.
Be reminded today that there are those who have given their lives, the certainty of their tomorrows, and the luxury of being with loved ones to fight for our freedom at whatever the cost.
I am honored to say that someone very dear to me is one of these courageous soldiers. My soldier and I have had to endure the pains of separation for 3 years with 2 weeks here and there of time spent together. We have felt the frustration of many months apart. Soon we will be forced to say goodbye once again as he awaits deployment to Afghanistan this coming Spring. He is my hero and he is one of the many heroes to our country's freedom. One of many brave soldiers who have trained for combat and have prepared themselves to face whatever is thrown their way, even though for them it is just another day on the job.
As my soldier and I buckle down for a coming year filled with letters, emails, and long-distance calls from a war-zone, we have to constantly remind each other that although we may be a 1000 miles apart, we will always be together wherever we are. He holds my hand, even though his hand is too far away to grasp. And he is always in my heart, even though our hearts are separated by a distance too impenetrable to cross.
My duty simply is to pray; to remember; to listen; and to love.
The life of a soldier is not always filled with glory as seen in movies, but neither is it a life full of constant pain. The sacrifice of distance, time, training, and combat is just the reality of daily life. They simply carry out what they have called to do. The ripping agony of separation settles into a dull pain as we miss the one we love.
Still, my heart will always be with my soldier, wherever he goes.
"A Hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself" -Joseph Campbell
I do not write this to romanticize war, or to glamorize pain, but, instead, I write this as a dedication to the one I love.
Be reminded today that there are those who have given their lives, the certainty of their tomorrows, and the luxury of being with loved ones to fight for our freedom at whatever the cost.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Beauty From the Broken
unaware of the worthless impact we have on the world.
There is an enemy whose name is Selfish. The army of Selfish conquered the world and through its deadly weapon of "self" the world became distorted and tainted with evil. The world was stripped barren and Loneliness was left to comfort those who were broken, clouding their hearts and minds with an impenetrable darkness.
There is a Creator who gently and lovingly formed every person, and He loves each because He has shaped each in His image. He made all people uniquely different and created each for His purpose. Every person, every soul, was His perfect creation, flawless... until the army of Selfish and their ally, Self-Independence, conquered the hearts of men, thus destroying The Creators perfect creation.
Do we understand or even comprehend how many hearts and lives are shattered everyday? And with every fracture the God of love and justice weeps in sorrow, for His children have been deceived by the enemy. Heartbreaking sobs stream down from heaven. A sacrifice needed to be made; a perfect and beautifully flawless sacrifice needed to be brought forth. The One who is holy and righteous was brought down to earth from heaven. The Creator looked down and saw His one and only Son hanging from a bloodstained tree- the Holy Sacrifice. And the Holy Sacrifice had only one desire: to defeat the army of Selfish and rescue His people from bondage, bringing them into an eternal relationship with their Creator.
The enemy whose army is named Selfish destroyed the world, but Truth prevailed over Selfish through the powerful strength of Love. The Creator's most precious creation whose hearts and lives have been shattered are now being gently pieced back together. This is the Creator's magnificent salvation story for the world; all He asks is for His creation to accept His offer of eternal life.
The army of Selfish has been forever defeated, but the destruction it left behind became known as Selfishness and Blindness. We can no longer see our Creator, but picking through the rubble is the army of Truth. All the Broken need to do is trust that their Creator will hear their cries.
We as Christians need to be on our knees praying daily for the lost and broken. Think about the hundreds, thousands, and millions who are condemned to hell. How can we possibly sit back and bask in the goodness of God and never tell someone about Jesus?
Open your eyes to reality.
"Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." (John 3:18)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Faithful Spelunking
When I was a child, my father used to take me on excursions to a National Park nearby which was dedicated to preserving natural caves. Our mission was to explore each cave and see where it would lead us. I was young and would incessantly cling to my father's hand as we approaching the mouth of a pitch black cave. My mind would race with visions of terrifying monsters dwelling in the depths of these underground passageways we were about to explore. As we stepped inside, the light from the opening would shine through, but soon, after venturing deeper into the cave, we no longer had the ability to see anything- even if we put our hand directly in front of our face. There was a sense of complete hopelessness and despair. As a young child, panic would creep into my heart as my mind was yet again filled with beastly creatures roaming around in the black abyss.
-------
But this is sometimes how I feel as I continue to walk with Christ. There will be moments of peril where I feel as if i have wandered into a sea of blackness where i can no longer see in what is in front of me. My mind becomes clouded with doubts.
What if I have lost the path that God has set before me?
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?" (Psalm 42:5)
-------
My dad would reach out and firmly grab hold of my hand once more, beckoning me to not be afraid. Then he would turn on the flashlight, which instantly swallowed the darkness and consumed the beasts of my imagination. Suddenly, it became clear that which surrounded us- the magnificent stalactites that reached from the ceiling towards the ground were suddenly brightly illuminated.
-------
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."
-Psalm 119:105
-------
With my father holding tightly onto my hand, and the flashlight faithfully sheding its light, we would continue our journey as we followed the small path through the cave until we were able to see a pinprick of light ahead. Our hearts would race because we knew that we were almost to the end of our journey through the cold, damp, dark cave. We kept the flashlight beaming in front of us until it was no longer necessary; and the light of day was able to creep in, illuminating the mouth of the cave yet again. Breathless and weary from our journey, we would scramble out of the opening and enter yet again into the sunny reality of the day.
-------
"...for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory." (Isaiah 60:19).
At times, the Lord will continue to guide us on our journey with Him by illuminating only one step at a time. But obedience is what He desires of us, not a foreknowledge of the divine destination.
"By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life." (Psalm 42:8).
-------
But this is sometimes how I feel as I continue to walk with Christ. There will be moments of peril where I feel as if i have wandered into a sea of blackness where i can no longer see in what is in front of me. My mind becomes clouded with doubts.
What if I have lost the path that God has set before me?
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?" (Psalm 42:5)
-------
My dad would reach out and firmly grab hold of my hand once more, beckoning me to not be afraid. Then he would turn on the flashlight, which instantly swallowed the darkness and consumed the beasts of my imagination. Suddenly, it became clear that which surrounded us- the magnificent stalactites that reached from the ceiling towards the ground were suddenly brightly illuminated.
-------
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."
-Psalm 119:105
-------
With my father holding tightly onto my hand, and the flashlight faithfully sheding its light, we would continue our journey as we followed the small path through the cave until we were able to see a pinprick of light ahead. Our hearts would race because we knew that we were almost to the end of our journey through the cold, damp, dark cave. We kept the flashlight beaming in front of us until it was no longer necessary; and the light of day was able to creep in, illuminating the mouth of the cave yet again. Breathless and weary from our journey, we would scramble out of the opening and enter yet again into the sunny reality of the day.
-------
"...for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory." (Isaiah 60:19).
At times, the Lord will continue to guide us on our journey with Him by illuminating only one step at a time. But obedience is what He desires of us, not a foreknowledge of the divine destination.
"By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life." (Psalm 42:8).
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
But hope does not despair
I was raised in the beautiful and rustic state of Oregon, surrounded by mountains and woodland. I was taught a white, middle class, evangelical worldview accented by eight years of private Christian schooling. My parents both love each other and have raised me in a God-fearing home. I am a white girl whose blonde hair and blue eyes have always helped me get whatever I strive for. I was raised with a solid background of Bible-based Christianity geared toward suburban ideology.
Then God pulled me out and placed me in one of the largest cities in the country where he is preparing me for an intense, lifelong calling in one of the most dangerous and crucial parts of America: the inner city. Where prostitution thrives, addictions kill, and gangs reign. The education has quit educating, the idea of family is foreign, and dreams have died and sunk deep into the black pit of hopelessness. This is no game. This is no amplification. This is now, and this is violently real.
How come God called a white girl from the backwoods of Oregon to be His representative in one of the darkest places on earth? I don’t know. All I know is that my heart breaks violently inside my chest for the lost. I long to scream in agony when compassion fills my soul. I cry at the depravity and wince in pain when faced with the overwhelming statistics of urban suffering. Babies are born with no fathers, young men fight to have an identity by pledging allegiance to a gang, and young women are thrown into prostitution in order to stay alive. Pimps watch over their territory; women are their possessions. Middle-aged men have given up the fight to stay alive and have instead resorted to a life of numbing addiction. Single mothers struggle to provide for their children and cry out to an unknown God to keep their babies safe from the evil that surrounds them.
This is where I am called.
How it rings true when Isaiah writes,
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and
release from darkness for the prisoners,”
I have come to the haunting realization that even after a lifetime of ministry, I may not even make a dent in attempting to solve the problems of the inner city. But hope does not despair.
Many churches sit back and watch this epidemic unfold, too afraid to intervene and not knowing where to start. So instead, the state steps in. Politicians, instead of Christians, attempt to grapple with the issues of inner city poverty, family instability, violence, and moral decay. Housing projects are formed and welfare is implemented; yet this does nothing. People can never be reduced to a project. Welfare has only promoted destitution and hopelessness, not improved it!
Why am I called? What can I do? Nothing about my upbringing, my gender, or my race qualifies me to minister in the inner city. I lack street smarts, I grapple with sin, and I wrestle to find identity. Yet in the city I have found my place. I long to follow Christ to the broken, to the hopeless, to the unloved, and to the sinful; because they are none of these things to God. To Him these people are precious, the Almighty God loves them, and they are each uniquely created in His image. God has instilled in each person a longing for purpose and identity that can only be found in Christ. I rest knowing that when God calls someone to leave everything comfortable and familiar for a place of poverty and brokenness, obedience to the calling is what He requires, not a feeling of adequacy.
Then God pulled me out and placed me in one of the largest cities in the country where he is preparing me for an intense, lifelong calling in one of the most dangerous and crucial parts of America: the inner city. Where prostitution thrives, addictions kill, and gangs reign. The education has quit educating, the idea of family is foreign, and dreams have died and sunk deep into the black pit of hopelessness. This is no game. This is no amplification. This is now, and this is violently real.
How come God called a white girl from the backwoods of Oregon to be His representative in one of the darkest places on earth? I don’t know. All I know is that my heart breaks violently inside my chest for the lost. I long to scream in agony when compassion fills my soul. I cry at the depravity and wince in pain when faced with the overwhelming statistics of urban suffering. Babies are born with no fathers, young men fight to have an identity by pledging allegiance to a gang, and young women are thrown into prostitution in order to stay alive. Pimps watch over their territory; women are their possessions. Middle-aged men have given up the fight to stay alive and have instead resorted to a life of numbing addiction. Single mothers struggle to provide for their children and cry out to an unknown God to keep their babies safe from the evil that surrounds them.
This is where I am called.
How it rings true when Isaiah writes,
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and
release from darkness for the prisoners,”
I have come to the haunting realization that even after a lifetime of ministry, I may not even make a dent in attempting to solve the problems of the inner city. But hope does not despair.
Many churches sit back and watch this epidemic unfold, too afraid to intervene and not knowing where to start. So instead, the state steps in. Politicians, instead of Christians, attempt to grapple with the issues of inner city poverty, family instability, violence, and moral decay. Housing projects are formed and welfare is implemented; yet this does nothing. People can never be reduced to a project. Welfare has only promoted destitution and hopelessness, not improved it!
Why am I called? What can I do? Nothing about my upbringing, my gender, or my race qualifies me to minister in the inner city. I lack street smarts, I grapple with sin, and I wrestle to find identity. Yet in the city I have found my place. I long to follow Christ to the broken, to the hopeless, to the unloved, and to the sinful; because they are none of these things to God. To Him these people are precious, the Almighty God loves them, and they are each uniquely created in His image. God has instilled in each person a longing for purpose and identity that can only be found in Christ. I rest knowing that when God calls someone to leave everything comfortable and familiar for a place of poverty and brokenness, obedience to the calling is what He requires, not a feeling of adequacy.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Never grow up
My life has become hectic.
It is crammed with balancing homework, classes, work, weekly ministry, appointments, all while still attempting to keep a sane social life.
I have no time to relax, sit down, and read a novel for pleasure.
My days have become so jam-packed that it would almost be silly to even attempt to read a book for fun. (I promise-- I've tried. And not only did I not find the time, I also got fined $3 at the local library for not returning the book on time).
If you can relate to what I have just described, I have the perfect solution! It is so simple and ordinary, it will change your life, I know it did mine...
Children's books.
Yes.
Children's books.
It is the perfect solution--a quick read with colorful pictures and an entertaining storyline which is sure to evoke fond memories of your childhood.
I, for one, never will completely grow out of loving to read children's books. It is a simplistic pleasure that cannot be replaced.
Try it. You're world will forever be changed!
If you need suggestions check these out. They are a few of my favorites:
http://www.pigeonpresents.com/pals-pigeon.aspx
http://www.skippyjonjones.com/
It is crammed with balancing homework, classes, work, weekly ministry, appointments, all while still attempting to keep a sane social life.
I have no time to relax, sit down, and read a novel for pleasure.
My days have become so jam-packed that it would almost be silly to even attempt to read a book for fun. (I promise-- I've tried. And not only did I not find the time, I also got fined $3 at the local library for not returning the book on time).
If you can relate to what I have just described, I have the perfect solution! It is so simple and ordinary, it will change your life, I know it did mine...
Children's books.
Yes.
Children's books.
It is the perfect solution--a quick read with colorful pictures and an entertaining storyline which is sure to evoke fond memories of your childhood.
I, for one, never will completely grow out of loving to read children's books. It is a simplistic pleasure that cannot be replaced.
Try it. You're world will forever be changed!
If you need suggestions check these out. They are a few of my favorites:
http://www.pigeonpresents.com/pals-pigeon.aspx
http://www.skippyjonjones.com/
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Its a Jungle Out There...
As my first post, I contemplated on writing a fascinating blog about the cultures and subcultures of the city, but who would want to read that?
So instead I have decided to write about my two favorite things I have experienced in the great windy city of Chicago.
#1. The Pedestrians
Even though I have been in Chicago no more than three months, I have quickly learned that to be a pedestrian takes great skill. There are many rigid rules to adhere to when walking downtown Chicago. These rules are known and followed by only those who live in the city and call themselves "seasoned urban-ites;" tourists are clueless and are therefore easy to spot.
Rule 1. Anticipate the light. Always.
This rule is one of the trickier ones to grasp right away, it takes time and practice. The key is to intently watch the traffic light instead of the pedestrian light all while pretending to be bored, thus making it look as if you have mastered this skill. It becomes a silent game: the first one to anticipate and initiate the crosswalk light is the winner. 'Nuff said.
Rule 2. Keep your personal bubble intact while weaving through manic crowds.
This is especially true when stuck in the middle of an enormous herd of tourists on Michigan Ave. on a bustling Saturday afternoon. Avoiding the crowd is hopeless, but maneuvering while still maintaining your personal space is a perfected art. Mastering fluent dodges, bobs, and weaves are essential. It is crucial in these times of peril to view the other people as large obstructions that must be avoided in the quickest possible way. So put on your game face, tuck your arms and hope you make it out unscathed.
This brings me to my second favorite thing about Chicago:
#2. Molly's Cupcakes
This has nothing to do with pedestrians or crowds (unless you are unlucky enough to get in line behind a large group of tourists who want to sample each cupcake --is that even allowed?)
Molly's Cupcakes is a hidden gem of Chicago. I was introduced to this lovely, child-like cupcake bakery by some girls on my floor.
Complete with indoor swings, mirrors, cafe lattes, and scrumptious cupcakes, Miss Molly certainly has been made famous.
The small interior is designed to articulate the joys of childhood with glass cases mounted on the bright walls which display everything from ice-skates to teddy bears.
Plus, with a portion of the proceeds going to help schools in the community, how could I not gladly pay $5 for a cupcake?
http://www.mollyscupcakes.com/home.php
So instead I have decided to write about my two favorite things I have experienced in the great windy city of Chicago.
#1. The Pedestrians
Even though I have been in Chicago no more than three months, I have quickly learned that to be a pedestrian takes great skill. There are many rigid rules to adhere to when walking downtown Chicago. These rules are known and followed by only those who live in the city and call themselves "seasoned urban-ites;" tourists are clueless and are therefore easy to spot.
Rule 1. Anticipate the light. Always.
This rule is one of the trickier ones to grasp right away, it takes time and practice. The key is to intently watch the traffic light instead of the pedestrian light all while pretending to be bored, thus making it look as if you have mastered this skill. It becomes a silent game: the first one to anticipate and initiate the crosswalk light is the winner. 'Nuff said.
Rule 2. Keep your personal bubble intact while weaving through manic crowds.
This is especially true when stuck in the middle of an enormous herd of tourists on Michigan Ave. on a bustling Saturday afternoon. Avoiding the crowd is hopeless, but maneuvering while still maintaining your personal space is a perfected art. Mastering fluent dodges, bobs, and weaves are essential. It is crucial in these times of peril to view the other people as large obstructions that must be avoided in the quickest possible way. So put on your game face, tuck your arms and hope you make it out unscathed.
This brings me to my second favorite thing about Chicago:
#2. Molly's Cupcakes
This has nothing to do with pedestrians or crowds (unless you are unlucky enough to get in line behind a large group of tourists who want to sample each cupcake --is that even allowed?)
Molly's Cupcakes is a hidden gem of Chicago. I was introduced to this lovely, child-like cupcake bakery by some girls on my floor.
Complete with indoor swings, mirrors, cafe lattes, and scrumptious cupcakes, Miss Molly certainly has been made famous.
The small interior is designed to articulate the joys of childhood with glass cases mounted on the bright walls which display everything from ice-skates to teddy bears.
Plus, with a portion of the proceeds going to help schools in the community, how could I not gladly pay $5 for a cupcake?
http://www.mollyscupcakes.com/home.php
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)